“At no point did anybody see this coming”.
Colin Speight was just 47 when he took his own life in December 2021.
The firefighter’s colleagues found his death difficult to accept. Their loss hit home when they returned to work to find his kit still on his peg and his locker still filled with belongings.
Gordon Nimmo first met Mr Speight, a father-of-one, at Cupar fire station, northeast Scotland. The pair would go on to work together at Glenrothes fire station in Fife.
Mr Nimmo was at Mr Speight’s family home when the police arrived to tell them about his death – and Mr Nimmo subsequently broke the tragic news to his friend’s mother.
“I’d never want to do that again,” the 43-year-old firefighter told Sky News.
“You deal with a lot of stuff in the fire service… you deal with fatalities and stuff like that. But you don’t have to deal with seeing your friend’s mum getting told how they found her son.”
Mr Speight, a watch commander, was a “great friend” and a “proper joker”, Mr Nimmo said.
“He was brilliant…a great colleague, and a sort of mentor,” he added.
“He helped me develop myself in my role.”
John Ovenstone and Gordon Nimmo. Pic: The Fire Fighters Charity
Firefighter John Ovenstone, who also worked with Mr Speight at Glenrothes, said he still misses his friend “every day”.
“You still expect him to walk through the door in the morning,” he added.
Mr Ovenstone, who now works in Lochgelly, said many firefighters struggle with their mental health but “shy away” from speaking out about it.
The 41-year-old added: “Mental health is a battle for a lot of people and a lot of people shy away from trying to speak about it, especially the older generation.
“If you are struggling, you need to speak to somebody like family and friends. Nobody is going to judge you, no matter what it is and no matter how bad the situation is. You just need to speak about it.”
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A new crisis helpline was set up by The Fire Fighters Charity in November for workers struggling with their mental health – and received 24 calls in its first month.
Mr Nimmo said firefighters witness “pretty nasty stuff” but there’s a “macho persona that you have to brush it off and get on with things”.
Mr Speight’s family and friends were aware he was going through a difficult time, but his death came as a shock.
Family and friends were aware Mr Speight was struggling. Pic: The Fire Fighters Charity
Mr Nimmo and Mr Ovenstone hope those struggling will call the helpline.
“You do see some pretty horrible stuff and it’s quite easy to be detached from these things, but [people] can only take so much,” Mr Nimmo said.
“These things all add up. And usually there’s this kind of macho persona that you have to brush it off and get on with things, but people don’t realise that there’s stuff going on in people’s lives as well in their personal life and it can take its toll.
“I think sometimes there’s too much of an emphasis to put a brave face on in front of everyone.”
The crisis line – supported by The Royal Foundation – has been funded almost entirely through donations.
Mr Speight’s former colleagues have also launched fundraisers in his memory – including walking the West Highland Way in full fire kit.
“Colin was always helping people,” Mr Nimmo said. “He’s still helping people now on the back of this.
“The money we’ve raised through the charity walk, through the fundraising, through making people aware – it’s in his name, in his memory, so he’s still helping people.
“If it helps one person, that’s the main thing.”
Mark Hardingham, chair of the National Fire Chiefs’ Council, said: “A death by suicide devastates family, friends, colleagues and the wider community.
“In fire and rescue services, where people often work in small teams, the impact of someone taking their own life has a devastating impact on the immediate team, the individual fire service and the entire fire and rescue services family.
“The new crisis line will provide immediate support where any member of the fire service community with suicidal thoughts can speak to a clinician any time of day or night and receive individual support.”
The Fire Fighters Charity’s crisis line can be reached on 0300 373 0896, while online resources can be found at firefighterscharity.org.uk/safespace.
Anyone feeling emotionally distressed or suicidal can call Samaritans for help on 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org in the UK. In the US, call the Samaritans branch in your area or 1 (800) 273-TALK